I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
