If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
