Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
being pregnant is like rehab
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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