every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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