I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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