yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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