Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
where are my eyebrows?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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