I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
