pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
