god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
i now understand why vodka
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
