Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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