Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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