Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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