So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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