He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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