I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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