we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
