is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
