these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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