I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Randomize
