When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
