I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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