So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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