Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Randomize
