Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
