you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
