The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
