just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
