The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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