i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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