Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
