it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
