just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Randomize
