Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
