he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
