you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
