Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
