3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
