Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
