i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
