Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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