You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
