you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
