By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
