he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
