mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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