and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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