I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
