Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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