If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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