:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
