remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
