If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
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I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
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You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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