i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
