There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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