btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
