I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize