im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
