i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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