"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
