In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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