Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
